My journey into Mental Health & why I became a Counsellor.

My name is Nicole Shields & I am a Counsellor. It never crossed my mind that I might one day work in the mental health sector, although there was that time my own Counsellor said, "Nicole, you would make a good Counsellor."

Let me backtrack to a time when I wasn't doing well mentally. I received some life changing news from my Mum when I was 30 years of age. A moment that will be forever etched into the very core of my mind, body, heart & soul. I will never forget the words she shared,

"Your Dad is not your real Father."

No one prepared me for this! How does one take news like that?

Let me tell you, a kick to the guts doesn't quite cut it. At first, I was numb & not a tear was shed. It took me some time to process the letter she had written & handed to me across the big wooden table at my favorite horse-riding retreat. Time stood still for a moment.

The missing pieces of my life's puzzle fell into place at the precise moment my world fell apart.

I sat in silence observing my Mother cry a thousand tears, as she watched me read her letter. I don't remember if I spoke to her or what was said. However, I do remember thinking, "Why now?"

How does one harbor a secret like that for 30 years I wondered?

To add to the 'surprise & shock factor,' I was informed that I had a whole other family, including 6 half-brothers. It's funny how during such times of adversity, the mind reacts in the weirdest ways. My initial thought - "I always wanted an older brother."

Let me fill in some gaps for you. Things get a little weirder yet.

I was born to a 17-year-old Mum & raised by my loving Grandparents (Maternal) while Mum worked. The bond (attachment) formed between myself & my Nan & Pop was unconditional & unbreakable. Let me tell you many people tried (I'll get to that later).

Mum met a man, who tormented her for attention & affection. He was a city boy holidaying in the Bay (a quiet coastal town). He pursued her until she surrendered & married him 3 months later when I was aged 12 months. This man was not my 'biological Father,' however he chose me to be his daughter - a once in a lifetime gift. I grew to adore this man, my Dad, my protector, my friend.

This story is one of heartbreak, not only for me, but my beloved Dad, who 'never wanted me to know I wasn't his.' I have a younger sister & brother who have suffered too. The day of my life truth's unveiling was also one of the worst days of my Dad's life. I left the kitchen where my Mum sat crying & went out to confront my Dad, who was unsaddling the horses.

The look on his face spoke a thousand words I will never forget. He held me in his warm embrace as we both cried. He knew my pain & I, his.

To be continued...